My Ex Had A Baby With Someone Else And Wants Me Back Or is it Dear Wendy gender wars where the men stick together to excuse bad behavior of men while the women cry foul? Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. Whatever. Does he think hes too old to be a dad? Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. Im sorry, but sex creates children. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. Does that make him an asshole? April 9, 2012, 5:14 pm. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. That isnt misogyny. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A And, yes, he should be taking precautions against STDs because even if he never gets back with the LW, is he going to remain celibate for the rest of his life? I feel stupid once again and a part of me feels that he may come back to me again and I really dont want to be involved, but Im so weak and dont know how to let go. When I hit the ground, I jumped up, pulled the safety clip off the release assembly and slapped it. That pretty much sums it up for me. It is scummy though. But woman, grow the hell up. April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. If there is no child at conception Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. Those are very different things. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. Sue Jones so we have a 8mth baby. I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. Its painfully obvious. And the world goes round. Thats nature, Tim. He says fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. I feel in a way he is essentially giving the child up for adoptionto the mother who wants the child. His? Fourth, this woman should run, not walk, from this dude. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. They are babies. Dee S. Advocate Francine Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. But now no one wants to deal with it. Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. LW, take a step back and think about what you would tell one of your girlfriends in a similar situation. Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. If you loved him, you wouldn't toss the relationship. The key if you do decide to engage- keep it as civil and reasoned as possible. Just like we trust people when they say they got tested? I just think that if he is saying he doesnt want a child then hes probably not fit to be a parent and the parent who does want a child is more fit. A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? Exactly where is there a grown-up here? So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. You wouldnt need to administer it. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. And my opinion doesnt change whether youre prepared to have a kid. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. she doesnt have to be unlucky or a liar to be taking her pills incorrectly. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. He is placing all of the blame of this two minute relationship that resulted in a baby on the women, and that is pretty shitty. He should have taken more precautions. They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. Well he will still have to pay child support. 1. Women this means the pill or condom or whatever. Susie is lost. Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. Year 1970. Both of those things cant be true, LW. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. Stop this back and forth with him. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. Consider that this man is 40 years old, but still immature. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. But I believe theres a definite difference. Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? SweetsAndBeats It doesnt sound like hes ready to be a one-woman man and get married (let alone start a family), and it doesnt sound like the LW is entirely willing and able to deal with being with a man who has fathered a child that isnt theirs. Do you want a man who doesnt want to be in a childs life because it means being with you? The baby will be due right in the middle of the semester. Thats reality. so its a little early to judge. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. As a woman, you have control over that. If you want something different, you must do something different. So, youre wondering what is it about her that he is willing to commit himself and give his all to her. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. Life isnt fair. We're doing great but after a month, he confessed he got this girl pregnant. He says he wants me, but Im afraid if she keeps trying to get back with him she will succeed one day. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. But then Id be haunted with the thought that I could have frozen BETTER sperm than the sperm I froze before tying the tubes and will always wonder if my children could have been better. The memories you two have together are yours and yours alone. lets_be_honest Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. Like raising a child is easy. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. When you two were engaged, he cheated and had a child by another woman. 8 Red Flags the Pregnancy is a Trap - Ann Silvers, MA lets_be_honest He still has to pay. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. I wouldnt be single again for all the tea in china. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. SweetsAndBeats But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. bittergaymark Not good enough. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. He ordered her to get an abortion? We Broke Up; He Had a Baby. Less than a year after our breakup, my Inc. Lee's Summit MO. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. It sounds glib, and I mean, malarky? Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Answer (1 of 60): I would drop kick him out the door. iseeshiny I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. . * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. just my opinion. Ive grown up better being raised by a loving, supportive mother who wanted me than by two parents who didnt want to be together, one of whom readily admitted he wasnt ready or willing to be a father. Well, custody deals with life choices (what school they go to, what religion theyre raised as, what kind of medical treatments they get, etc.). I never really got over him and he never got over me. April 9, 2012, 11:54 am. There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. Is that fair to women? Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. Steve Kellmeyer You know as well as I do that the law is gender biased in effect in not in letter. And I am, I must admit. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. Wrong. He could be upset (and who wouldnt be) if he didnt want it but she was keeping it anyway. Jimmy has made his choice. A douchenozzle? The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. My heart broke into a million pieces. My inclination would be to run away from this guy as fast as you can. make sure you use back up protection! How does your law see that both get what they want? He isnt what is best for you. Or is she trying to get him to live up to his responsibilities (which he brought on himself when he had unprotected sex and got someone pregnant)? REALLY? April 9, 2012, 5:13 pm. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. Sad that the life you thought was going to happen when you got back with the BF is going to get messier? Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. Dear Bossip: We Broke Up And He Got Another Woman Pregnant Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. End of story. Its none of your business. Chuck Pelto There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. sorry, brain). April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. Just 10 seconds in the slipstream at 175 mph.. Chuck Pelto But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. It doesnt make sense. Theyre both opposed to abortion but theyre being safe, right? Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? Not your wallet, not your choice. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. I got angry because it's something he should have told me. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. Ford 1970 Kansas Cars for sale - SmartMotorGuide.com If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. April 9, 2012, 10:00 pm, No, I actually think that of us effectively use condoms Most of the dumb idiots I know that knocked girls up all thought they were safe because they were told all was well, Im on the pill PS. You can have a relationship with someone with a child but you have to be ready for it. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. evanscr05 And I appreciate that he made his decision and stuck with it, instead of deciding to drop in and out whenever he felt like. Thats the responsible thing for anyone to do after having unprotected sex and before beginning a new relationship. You have no opinion in this matter. Which includes emotional support, not just financial. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. nurserie cerise et capucine we broke up and he got another girl pregnant.If your ex got married only months after the breakup, then something doesn't feel right.In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy . Except that hes not. Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? iseeshiny ColorsOfTheWind 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. Therefore, move on. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. Heres a thought experiment for you: You are in a relationship where you are the one responsible for everything. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. iseeshiny Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. haha. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A And hopefully this childs mother will, too. I dont think hes scum based on this either. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. Share your opinions and thoughts below! I make no exception for men or women. As for you LW, Im not even sure exactly what youre asking. And without condoms?! I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. That is really fucked up. Thats true Yankee vernacular. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. Id argue the country is not any better off for it, either. LW, your anger is misdirected. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot? He also didnt say fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He said that he would obviously pay but wants nothing to do with the women or the baby. Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? That isnt the case. Fine. He doesnt want to be with you. Addie Pray This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. Im sure youll do a wonderful job! April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. hamster van beethoven Thats the way it has to be. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. The fact the option to abort or not is a womans right is no secret. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. Id confirm that hes actually the father. All magically on the pill? You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. You want to work on your social skills. He chose to not wear a condom and now he has to be responsible for his choice. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? Identical twin men: one is an IVF doctor, one is a carpenter. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. Argh. What are your thoughts on an abortion? As a woman, I have to take responsibility that any man I have sex with may very well walk away from me never to be heard from again leaving me with a child to raise alone. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. It did say that he was furious at her for not getting an abortion. And, you are not the choice. (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? Dude, get away from this guy pronto! This is so hard for me. And the LW is making it seem as if her poor bf did nothing. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. She didnt rape him. Probably a creationist, from what you know about biological science. Everything is he: He is in love with you, so in love that he humped another woman; so in love that he wanted to kill a baby to be with you. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. You shouldnt be following so closely behind someone that if they were to suddenly slam on their brakes you wouldnt be able to stop (for a billboard, for a kid running across the street, because theyre being dicks, ect). Not your body, not your choice. But biology puts the woman in the drivers seat once conception results. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. He sounds self-entitled, immature, arrogant, an all around horrible person. Where the issue comes in is who physically is around the child more, which is placement, which though there has been progress tends to err on the side of the mother still, with all other things being equal. Is it the fact that he wants something different from what she does that makes him scum? Briana DeJesus: PROOF Her Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Revealed She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. You do know that birth control isnt 100% effective, right? Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. Deadly, sure, but not highly infectious. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. LW, what happens if YOU get pregnant? I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. Read the comments. She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. Category Convertible. Doesnt interest me. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? But in some ways, youre making my point, Francine. 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. He Won't Leave Her: 5 Harsh Truths 'The Other Woman' Must Face 12, 14, and 16 year old girls are statutorily raped, too, and their rapists? (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). But it also tries to say that the man had a part in creating the child. You know, I was thinking about that, too. I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. In fact, Im sure you could find a wealth of women who never received support a day in their life. But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. lets_be_honest Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. Scenario 2. 6napkinburger Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions without relying on you to rescue him. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. Chopper jump on another severe cold day with the right hand exposed to activate the reserve chute. Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. Even if she was lying about being on birth control. Basically, he is dumping you and moving on. I dont think the actual equality is as you think it is, but even if I agree that it is, it has nothing to do with what happens early on in a pregnancy. That was supposed to be a reply to Temperance, not ele4phant. Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. Please help. Remember we are hearing all this second or third hand. if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. Oh I completely agree! And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. 4. TheQuietOne Though some women seem to believe that is the case. And you want to marry this guy because.why? Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. Nice way to generalize. Marriage to this woman would be the most stupid thing possible. Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? He didnt invest in your relationship. Malarky. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. You said it better, but I jumped back in before seeing your replies. And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. He wants nothing to do with his own child.
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